Melanie Interviews: Alan Carr
Alan and I hosted a radio2 show together for a good few years. We had an absolute blast! He is a wonderful person, super smart and as you know hilariously funny. He is well read and an art lover, same as me. He once gave me the complete box set of the Simon Schama series ‘The History of Art’, which is one of the best birthday presents I have ever received. I would never have heard of Caravaggio if it wasn’t for him!
He is one of my favourite people in the world of show business – actually the world! Extremely grounded and silly talented.
What is the album you are listening to at the moment? Why do you like it?
I’m not listening to any specific album at the moment, I’m a recent convert to Spotify you see which is like the musical equvalent of T K Maxx so I just spend a lot of flicking through, having a good old browse. New albums that I’ve been recently impressed with are Kwabs, Years and Years and Wolf Alice. Sadly recently I’ve been getting my old Prince vinyls out the cupboard and having a re-listen – wish it was for happier reasons though.
What was the last movie you saw and what did you think of it ?
The last movie I watched was Vertigo, the Alfred Hitchcock classic, I was hungover and it was raining outside and I was having a duvet day and I fancied an old movie, no swearing, or guns or sex – a good old fashioned story well told and you can’t beat a vintage Alfred Hitchcock film for that. Those old films like North by Northwest, To Catch A Thief, Dial M For Murder never age for me and watching them is like eatiing a huge bowl of warming soup – does that make sense? Plus Kim Novak looks stunning in all her Techocolour glory although I must admit I couldn’t keep my eyes off her breasts they were so pointy!
What are you reading or have just read?
I’ve just finished ‘A Little Life’ by Hanya Yanagihara. I was in Waterstones and I’d already bought my books and the lady behind the counter said ‘ have you read this? And handed ‘A Little Life’ to me – I’m so glad she did – its brilliant, it starts out with four college friends who move to New York to follow their dreams and one of them has an awful secret that’s he trying to keep from the others. Although the subject matter is bleak and quite hard to read at times it never gets too depressing or self wallowing. I found it very moving and strangely uplifting and at the end I felt like they were my friends – which is probably a bit sad.
What the most artistic pic on your phone?
When did you last apologise to someone?
My friend Neil, I lost his Jack Russell ‘Morris’ in a wood. To be fair to me, I was walking three other dogs at the time as well, and you have to have eyes in the back of your head especially when there are bushes and undergrowth full of birds and squirrels. I drove out of London especially to treat the dogs to a walk that wasn’t just Hyde Park or The Scrubs. Driving around the m25 with four dogs in a mini I thought ‘ I should be doing this for charity!!’. Well once in the wood I bent down to pick up my dogs poo and Morris legged it. I called and called him and I felt physically sick, I looked for him for 40 minutes but then Neil phoned me, some lovely man in a van had found him running along the road and thankfully rang the mobile number that was on the collar I was so relived and all I could say on the phone was “I’m so sorry Neil……’
What TV/ Box set floats your boat?
Love House of Cards, Narcos, Happy Valley, Dr. Foster, The Affair – really good stories well acted.
Best thing about being known?
It has to be the general public – just having people coming up to you in the street saying hello, waving at you, giving you a hug, sometimes pinching your bum if you’re lucky!! I get sent gifts, jumpers, art work that people have spent a lot of time – its so humbling and what with all the negativity out there in the news you could believe that the world is getting worse and becoming less kind but my experience is, it isn’t.
Worst thing thing about being known?
People assuming you are a certain type simply because you have a job on the telly – vain, narcissistic, arrogant, morally corrupt and stupid. It’s incredibly insulting to be thought the worst of all the time.
Be honest, when was the last time you felt jealous?
I’ve had to come off of Instagram – it does my head in – am I the only person working in Britain!!! I’ll be sitting in a traffic jam on the M6 off to do a gig and you’ll go on Instagram and get bombarded with smug people having a whale of a time in sunnier climes. Seriously what have I done wrong?! Swimming in a gorgeous blue sea, having a mojito, on a yacht hashtag pissoff that’s what I say. Its got to the point where I’m not even pleased for them – hope it chucks it down, hope theres a fly in your prosecco, hope your yacht hits an iceberg – oh, maybe that last one is a bit too harsh ha!
What food can you not live without?
I love most foods as you can probably tell but one of my all time faves are Laksas (it’s a kind of spicy noodle soup) – I really got into them when I lived in Sydney many years ago – I went to the same place nearly every day to get this Laksa – so delicious – I’m going back to Sydney later this year and guess where I’m heading first. Bondi Beach? Sydney Opera House? No, that laksa place – I’m going to be well vexed if its been knocked down and replaced with a Starbucks!!
Who is your dream women/man?
Check this guy out – Tab Hunter – woof! Not now (he’s 84, you’ll be thinking Alan, you can try someone a bit younger you’re not THAT minging) he was a movie star in Hollywood in the 1950’s and 1960’s and at one point rivalled James Dean as heart throb du jour. He came on the screen and my mouth fell open – it was like those diet coke adverts.
What three men/women inspire you and why?
Charles Darwin – can you imagine discovering something that powerful and mind blowing that it not contradicts everything that your society believes in but whats its based on and yet still have the strength of character to announce it to the world. I’d keep it to myself – I’m a chicken shit.
What is your Greatest achievement?
I don’t think i have had a greatest achievement yet – I don’t particularly feel like I have – I’m 40 next week maybe that could be my achievement – and the way people are dropping like flies this year i don’t think its a bad one to have.
If you could do any other Job what would it be?
I would love to be a pathologist – turn up to a crime scene and try and work out what has happened just by looking at the room. I saw a show about it and i was gripped – the way the blood is sprayed along the walls, where the body was found, the weapon used can all be deduced if you just keep looking, i find all that fascinating plus i’m very very nosey.
Whats your favourite thing about yourself physically, emotionally & mentally?
Physically – its my footballers legs – they always get commented on. But sadly the footballer attributes come to an abrupt halt once the eyes travel upwards onto my stomach.Emotionally – i’m very empathetic – maybe a bit too much. Mentally – due to my job i have had to think quick and be sharp – its no good answering that heckle when you are driving your car home from the gig you need to say it when you are on the stage.